Cracking Him Open Could Equate to Rape

In a conversation with an amazingly grounded man who is capable of holding the most exquisite space for the feminine, I was given a reframe that REALLY shifted my reality. 

I will refer to this man as R. 

As women, we often have a deep desire to help men “feel more” — we are so attuned to our emotions and feelings that we push and insist they should also be highly attuned to theirs. 

I have distinct memories of conversations with women where we made statements like, “If he would just let me in,” or “Why can’t he open and let me feel him?” 

My own languaging around this recently has been something to the effect of, “I wish I could crack open his heart,” 

I encounter men who are very closed and guarded. It is difficult to feel them… and I am very sensitive. When I cannot feel them, I might feel sad or confused… and sometimes my arrogance sets in. I have thoughts like, “Let me get in there.” “Let me show you how amazing it is to feel.” 

THEN I got a serious reality check. 

R informed me that my desire to “crack open” a man’s heart could be equated to a man saying he wants to crack open my pussy. 

He reminded me that: 
A man’s center of receiving is his heart, and his center of provision is his cock. 
A woman’s center of receiving is her pussy, and her center of provision is her heart. 

SO! My desire to “get in there” is very similar to a man’s desire to “get in there” 

Fuuuuck. 

My body reacted as if hit by a physical blow — my chest and belly collapsed, my throat tightened, my face a wince.
I felt the edges of my own entitlement, the subtle violence in my “good intentions.”
I could feel every moment I had pushed against a man’s boundaries with the belief that I was doing something loving.

R went on to remind me that a man’s heart is his most vulnerable place. Those who are not accustomed to being open or whose hearts have been wounded feel very protective of their heart. The vulnerable heart needs time, slowness, safety, and tender understanding to begin to open. 

Oohhhh, that makes sense – as waves of shame wash over me. 

Again, those statements could be flipped and said about how protective a woman is of her pussy and why we need time and care. 

As a woman who has been on the receiving end of coercion and forceful unwanted advances, I felt the full impact of learning that my desire to force open a man’s heart could be equated with rape. It rocked me. 
I am extremely grateful to R — for not only his wisdom but the care he took in delivering it.

Now I know. 

I move forward with this new perspective and have greater respect and compassion for the carefully guarded hearts of the men I encounter.

How does this land with you? Share in the comments.